Birch Grove

Note: This article was recently (the week of Jan. 29th) posted on Witchvox.  

Most people familiar with the Pagan tradition and especially those who follow it in one form or another are not new to self-examination. But even in our generally open and tolerant community, pressures and stresses can arise. Just because there are five thousand different traditions and paths out there doesn’t mean that one of them is for you. Just because you live in a community or city where Paganism is openly expressed and/or celebrated does not mean you have to join a coven or circle. Just because an author tells you to does not mean that you have to believe them.

In this day an age, skepticism is no longer a valued trait. Mass media is dumbed down and meant to be taken as truth, regardless of the spin. Our president expects us to believe everything he says, even when some of it is obviously false. Telemarketers and scammers try to take advantage of naïveté at every turn. And even some Pagans tell us to believe and yes, even to conform without explaining why. Even worse, there is a lot of literature out there based on very little real research that people are taking as an ultimate truth. I fear for the newcomers of any age who are impressionable and likely do not have a skeptic lurking somewhere within them. I fear because even our safe-haven of a Pagan community, because it has expanded so much, has been infiltrated by the unscrupulous who intend to do harm, sometimes by trying to gain new followers for their own personal tradition or path. But even those who do not seek to do harm may do so by being elitist, exclusive, and closemouthed about their sources and resources.

Maybe it is the eternal student in me, or maybe it’s the eternal skeptic, the seeker of truth. Or maybe it’s just that those paths are not for me. I am a follower of the Norse pantheon, but I’m not Asatru. I like to know the historical context of my runes before I sketch them into a metaphysical shield, but that doesn’t mean that I want to run around dressed like a Viking and drink lots of mead. I like to speak Norwegian, but that doesn’t mean that I use it in rituals or that it is the only language the Gods will understand.

I personally am a paradox. I love the Norse Gods, but not necessarily their goðis. I love knowledge and wisdom, but Odin is not my patron. I’m an eternal skeptic, but I’m also a hopeless romantic. I combine modern and ancient belief. I don’t like astral planes or trancework. I believe and disbelieve in divination. I like to search for Pagan truths among the tales recorded by ancient Christians. I have respect and disrespect for both Christianity and Paganism. I believe and disbelieve in magick. Music is more important to me than ritual. Nature even more so. Beauty is key. So is dance and poetry and self-expression. I hate incense but I like to dress up. I feel awkward in a circle. I like routine, but not the trappings of rituals. I love my Gods, but I don’t try to manipulate them and I kneel to no one, mortal or otherwise. Idun is real. Frigga and Freya are two separate Goddesses (contrary to scholarly speculation). Not all Gods are one God. The universe was not created from a void and the primal cow, Audumla, but neither is creation all happenstance. Mortality is real, but so is reincarnation. I’m not so sure about Ragnarok.

My point is, if you look at my paradoxical beliefs, you’ll see that I haven’t followed in total any one person, be they scholar of history, historical author, or mystic mentor. I haven’t followed any one path. I studied, weighed, introspected, and came to my own decision. Alone. On my own steam. And y’know what? Just because it doesn’t follow conventional wisdom (which is rarely wise) doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Skepticism is a lost art. So is being a paradox. Today, so many people, regardless of religion, race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, age, or gender, find themselves put in one or more of the boxes I just mentioned. The pressure to conform, both in and out of the sacred grove, is higher than ever. And yet, so is the pressure to non-conform. I am reminded of something a high school literature teacher said once, “Non-conformity for the sake of non-conformity is really conformity.” You cannot conform to others’ standards and/or beliefs just because they say so. But neither can you rebel against such beliefs simply because they are held by others. They key to true non-conformity is to both conform and non-conform while still being true to yourself.

Sometimes I think that our Pagan community is turning dogmatic. That followers of different traditions and paths find themselves at odds with each other and the world. Perhaps it is because so many of us come from Christian upbringings, but this “monoistic”[1] way of seeing things (that is, that there is only one right way, answer, solution, etc.) will be the death of polytheistic, tolerant, multi-cultural, branching-path Paganism as we know it. And yet, the pressures to conform to a box (be it tradition, path, religion, or otherwise), to make logical sense to the rest of the world, even to believe in something, anything, grow as each day passes. The only solution is to find your own path. Your own true path, the one that belongs only to you and your Gods. Your path might branch off from the wider road of a certain tradition, but it should probably branch. You should listen, learn, wonder, ask, weigh, and make your own decisions based on your own values, your own beliefs, your own heart. No one else can (and indeed, no one else should) decide for you. It is a way that is both scary and comforting, questioning and enlightening, harder than anything you’ve ever tried and yet so very easy; and as always, never exactly what is expected.

My path is off winding its wandering way through the wilderness. Where will yours go?

[1] “Monoism: The Secret Menace of Our Lives” by Jay Walljasper from Ode Magazine January 2006.